


Forevermore

by shomarus



Series: Twenty-Two Angels to Defend Me [12]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 01:17:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shomarus/pseuds/shomarus
Summary: Carol reflects.





	Forevermore

Carol’s eyes ache with the desire for rest of any sort, but she finds that she’s somewhat incapable. She can’t tell if it’s the giddiness of champagne that causes her to feel such restlessness, or if it’s the simple fact that Carol has it bad. It’s dark in their ( _their,_ Carol thinks with the same kind of pleasantness all of her thoughts from tonight had been tinged with) room. Yet Carol sees every part of Therese, the woman sleeping next to her.

The last time Carol was fully aware of her surroundings, of Therese whom she loved, watching the peaceful rise and fall of her chest was… God, back in Waterloo. Usually it’s Therese who went to bed after Carol, Therese who woke up before her. Sometimes they’d go to bed at the same time, although Carol has her suspicions that Therese only pretends.

Between the two of them, she finds that it is Therese who happens to be the most observant. She still writes little love letters for Carol to read before she goes to work. Sometimes Therese will make lunch for Carol and leave the note tucked into the pocket of Carol’s lunchbag. The things that she writes in these letters are touching and so much more than that at the same time. She recalls a line from last week’s letter and smiles to herself. _You personify the word desire, and for all of the times you smile at me subconsciously, I feel your pull draw me in until I am unable to resist or to hesitate. You are the bait that draws me in, my own heart the clamps that tighten around my legs, and I come back willingly to you._

Carol is insanely lucky to have such a woman as Therese by her side. It would have been so easy to miss her, to descend back into a lifeless, soulless routine of waking to an empty bed and wondering when Harge would hand over Rindy again. It would have been so easy for her to grow old and dull (though she’s sure there might have been others after that brief conversation of the valise, she doubts they would have held a candle to Carol’s feelings now).

Even the nasty parts of Carol’s tale would be worth reliving. Even if the pain is intensified, if her happiness is fleeting. And she thinks to herself; this is it. This is love. To hurt oneself over and over for the sake of something so small yet so freeing at the same time. Oh, how Carol loves. Her heart is full of gaiety.

Her hand reaches for Therese’s hair. She cut it before they met again at the Ritz Tower, and she gets her hair trimmed routinely every other month. It is a new look, a good look, one that aptly represents the change Therese had gone through. Her blossoming, to put it in other words. Carol’s fingers feel the soft strands, as well as the slight bristle when her hands brush against the end of Therese’s hair. Featherlike and soft, the pads of her thumbs trace gentle circles on her skin. Her palm cups her cheek.

“How lucky I am,” Carol whispers into the night. She knows it’s impossible for Therese to hear her as she dreams, the kind of silly beliefs that only children have. Still she whispers, because it feels good to her. “Lucky I am to have found you, lucky I am to find that you’ve loved me from the start.” It had always been obvious to Carol, the signs of Therese’s affection. How she asked for such seemingly small, impossible things. A kiss goodnight. For their hands to join. For the simple affirmation of a ‘yes, a thousand times and more than that’.

“How lucky I am to have the opportunity to learn how to live this life with you, fresh with daylight and stumbled clumsy through.” Carol presses a very gentle kiss to her lips. “And to have loved you.”

**Author's Note:**

> vaguely unintentional 666 word count lmao. its a lil short because i have some work to do today but i like these kinds of introspections as well
> 
> a huge thank you to everyone who's commented and supported me as i scrabble to write this! you're all a huge part of the reason as to why i haven't given up on this series yet. we're halfway through, so there's more to come! thank you for everyone who's still reading and giving kudos as well!! <3 <3 my heart is full w/ love and joy


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